TRUST YOUR HARD WORK..... NOT STOCK MARKET !! compiled by AC Rao

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish,the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started
catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city , you can sell it to him for Rs50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere


TRUST YOUR HARD WORK..... NOT STOCK MARKET !!

The Punjabi Alphabet ...by Rajiv Kelkar

Please read with the "proper Punjabi" pronunciation to enjoy it fully!

A is for Adjust. Punjabis will always ask you to adjust whenever they want to push you around.

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your bum, it is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.

C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. ... "Dfence Cloney".

E is for Expanditure. Punjabis are never shy of spending money - the latest cars, gadgets, marble floors: their ambitions are always expanding.

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building being the back, of course.

G is for Guddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his guddi puts any F1 driver to shame. no way Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder.

H is for Ho Jayega Ji, and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.

I is for Intezaar, and to know more about it see P.

J is for Jindagi, and if there's one person who knows how to live life to the fullest it's a Punjabi.

K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses

L is for Lovely, but unfortunately she almost never is.

M is for Mrooti, the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.

N is for No Problem Ji. To find out how that works see H.

O is for Oye, which can be surprise , a greeting, anger or pain .

P is for Panch Mint, and no matter how near <1 km> or far <100 km> a Punjabi is from you, he always says he'll reach you in panch mint.

Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi.

R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one, even if the odds are against him.

S is for Sweetie, Bunty, Pappu and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi.

T is for the official bird of Punjab: Tandoori chicken.

U is for when a Punjabi loses his sex appeal and becomes "Uncle-ji"

V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakhs and counting.

W is for Whan, as in "Whan are you coming, ji?"

X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in all Punjabi conversations.

Y is for "You nonsense", when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.

Z is for Zigzag.

Buddhist Innovations in Mobile Technology to Charge..................compiled by

Charge mobile with peepal leave

Its very Strange But True Very True.

Now, you do not require any mobile charger to charge your mobiles. Only there is need to use green leaf of peepal tree and after some time your mobile will get charged..

No soon the people came to learn this development, they tested it and found encouraging results. If your mobile has been discharged and you are inside a jungle then you need not to use any charger. You Should pluck two peepal leaves and your work would be done..

It is very good idea and easy to charge your mobile. You would have to open your mobile battery and connect it with peepal leaf. After that without shaking mobile set you should set the battery in your mobile set. After some time your mobile would be charged.

Though it is unbelievable but as soon as the residents of Chitrakoot came to know about the discovery they could not believe the news. But when they saw it practically then the incident proved true.

Now hundreds of mobile holders are using this technique and charging their mobiles.



Step by Step guide to charge your mobile battery using peepal leaf

1- Open your mobile cover

2- Take out your battery

3- Take two to three fresh leaves of peepal/pipal/ ashwattha tree

4- Touch the stub of these leaves on your mobile battery terminal for a minute

5- Clean the mobile battery terminal with the soft cloth

6- Put your battery again in your mobile and switch it on

7- Now you can see the result

8- If required repeat the process with fresh leaves

Troubled User .... compiled by Aayush

Dear Tech Support team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected.. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!

Thanks,

"A Troubled User"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5..0..

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed
not to allow this.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, weep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install GoodLookingS ecretary 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Techie girlfriend becomes wife ............... compiled by aayush

Dear Tech Support team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected.. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,

"A Troubled User"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5..0..

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, weep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. 

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install GoodLookingS ecretary 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Blaise Pascal, mathematician said so....

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.

-- Blaise Pascal, mathematician, 1670

SAVING IS SIN, SPENDING IS VIRTUE compiled by chetan

Japanese save a lot. They do not spend much. Also Japanexports far more than it imports. Has an annual trade surplus of over $100 billions. Yet Japanese economy is considered weak, even collapsing.

Americans spend, save little. Also US imports more than it exports.Has an annual trade deficit of over $400 billion. Yet, the American economy is considered strong and trusted to get stronger.

But where from do Americans get money to spend?

They borrow from Japan, China and even India. Virtually others save for the US to spend. Global savings are mostly invested in US, in dollars.

India itself keeps its foreign currency assets of over $50 billions in US securities. China has sunk over $160 billion in US securities. Japan's stakes in US securities is in trillions.

Result:

The US has taken over $5 trillion from the world. So, as the world saves for the US, Americans spend freely. Today, to keep the US consumption going, that is for the US economy to work, other countries have to remit
$180 billion every quarter, which is $2 billion a day, to the US!

Otherwise the US economy would go for a six. So will the global economy.
The result will be no different if US consumers begin consuming less.

A Chinese economist asked a neat question. Who has invested more, US in China, or China in US? The US has invested in China less than half of what China has invested in US. The same is the case with India. We have invested in US over $50 billion.. But the US has invested less than $20 billion in India.

Why the world is after US?

The secret lies in the American spending, that they hardly save. In fact they use their credit cards to spend their future income. That the US spends is what makes it attractive to export to the US. So USimports more
than what it exports year after year.

The result:

The world is dependent on USconsumption for its growth. By its deepening culture of consumption, the US has habituated the world to feed on US consumption. But as the USneeds money to finance its consumption, the world provides the money. It's like a shopkeeper providing the money to a customer so that the customer keeps buying from the shop. If the customer will not buy, the shop won't have business, unless the shopkeeper funds him. The US is like the lucky customer. And the world is like the helpless shopkeeper financier.

Who is America's biggest shopkeeper financier?

Japan of course. Yet it's Japanwhich is regarded as weak. Modern economists complain that Japanese do not spend, so they do not grow.
To force the Japanese to spend, the Japanese government exerted it self, reduced the savings rates, even charged the savers. Even then the Japanese did not spend . Their traditional postal savings alone is over$1.2 trillions, about three times the Indian GDP. Thus, savings, far from being the strength of Japan, has
become its pain.

Hence, what is the lesson?

That is, a nation cannot grow unless the people spend, not save. Not just spend, but borrow and spend. Dr. Jagdish Bhagwati, the famous Indian-born economist in the US, told Manmohan Singh that Indians wastefully save. Ask them to spend, on imported cars and, seriously, even on cosmetics! This will put India on a growth curve. "Saving is sin, and spending is virtue."

Before you follow this neo economics, get some fools to save so that you can borrow from them and spend, ofcourse this will apply to the individual also.

This is what USA has successfully done in last few decades and got all of us into a fix and deep shit.